Alan Alda
I know it's hard to see, but the wake leads to the 'beaver' that I saw this morning....
"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. You cannot get there by bus, only by hard work, risking and by not quite knowing what you are doing. What you will discover will be wonderful - yourself."-Alan Alda
Back in Alaska I was always quite content, being me, right where I was. In the back of my mind and deep in my soul I always wondered what was out there for me beyond the Last Frontier. But I was comfortable in the darkness and stillness of the winter and the rhythm of the seasons, so I never thought much of it. Then I left Alaska for the Lower 48 connected to Tanacross, Alaska by employment and working to make profits to better that community, it just seemed so right and so ‘me’. It was hard work to get to the position that I was in to have the company move me south, it wasn’t ever an overall plan. It just happened and I had to go, so I did. It was a big risk, especially knowing that it might not work out with the company as there were financial ‘issues’. But I worked hard even though I didn’t quite know what I was doing. Then I met Matt, I’ve never had someone so naturally merge into my life. After a few months with Matt I was laid off and had a choice. To stay in the city or to go back to the wilderness, I stayed in the city- with Matt- another big risk, we'd only been dating a few months. After many tears over the lay off, and much hard work, I have found that I have found my truest self, living here in the wilderness of the city with my Alaskan intuition to guide me. I still don’t quite know what I’m doing, but I feel like myself more than I ever have in my life. Even though it is still so odd to me that I live in the city.
I am an oddity here in the city, I know this. I have the strangest conversations with people. The other night at an office cocktail party, one of the manager’s wives introduced me to her husband (again) with “Amie is from Alaska and –enter factoid here-“
He responded with ‘Yes I know Amie, she –enter another factoid here-“
“Oh yeah, well did you know that Amie –more Amie facts here-“ she upped him.
“Remember those great pork chops that I had at the jobsite that one time? Amie cooked those. There I win.” He smiled proudly. He won the Amie game.
This happens to me a lot.
People tell me they love my stories of Alaska and village life and subsistence living facts. They have me retell stories to their friends when I’m introduced to someone new. They seem so proud to know me- a girl from Alaska. I’ve become known as the ‘green girl’ around the office, talking with people about recycling and alternative forms of transportation. People tell me I inspire them or that I make them feel bad for them not doing more. I just am who I am. I follow my intuition no matter how wild it may seem to some, I try to stay out of my comfort zone, this is how I grow the most. I work hard and take risks. But I have to say; when I take the bus it is a risk because I still don’t understand the nuances of public transportation!
*there was a beaver in the river (which is brown and ugly and filled with garbage) this morning. I've seen him a couple times now. I think it's a beaver anyways. I'll post pictures later tonight. He is the only 'wild animal' I've ever seen in the city, other than a few hawks and that one giant rat on New Years Eve 2006. Today I can't stop thinking about the young girl that was attacked by a grizzly yesterday in Anchorage. Every Alaskan worst nightmare. But Alaska is still the most amazing place in the world, even the guy at the bike store yesterday told me so.
Back in Alaska I was always quite content, being me, right where I was. In the back of my mind and deep in my soul I always wondered what was out there for me beyond the Last Frontier. But I was comfortable in the darkness and stillness of the winter and the rhythm of the seasons, so I never thought much of it. Then I left Alaska for the Lower 48 connected to Tanacross, Alaska by employment and working to make profits to better that community, it just seemed so right and so ‘me’. It was hard work to get to the position that I was in to have the company move me south, it wasn’t ever an overall plan. It just happened and I had to go, so I did. It was a big risk, especially knowing that it might not work out with the company as there were financial ‘issues’. But I worked hard even though I didn’t quite know what I was doing. Then I met Matt, I’ve never had someone so naturally merge into my life. After a few months with Matt I was laid off and had a choice. To stay in the city or to go back to the wilderness, I stayed in the city- with Matt- another big risk, we'd only been dating a few months. After many tears over the lay off, and much hard work, I have found that I have found my truest self, living here in the wilderness of the city with my Alaskan intuition to guide me. I still don’t quite know what I’m doing, but I feel like myself more than I ever have in my life. Even though it is still so odd to me that I live in the city.
I am an oddity here in the city, I know this. I have the strangest conversations with people. The other night at an office cocktail party, one of the manager’s wives introduced me to her husband (again) with “Amie is from Alaska and –enter factoid here-“
He responded with ‘Yes I know Amie, she –enter another factoid here-“
“Oh yeah, well did you know that Amie –more Amie facts here-“ she upped him.
“Remember those great pork chops that I had at the jobsite that one time? Amie cooked those. There I win.” He smiled proudly. He won the Amie game.
This happens to me a lot.
People tell me they love my stories of Alaska and village life and subsistence living facts. They have me retell stories to their friends when I’m introduced to someone new. They seem so proud to know me- a girl from Alaska. I’ve become known as the ‘green girl’ around the office, talking with people about recycling and alternative forms of transportation. People tell me I inspire them or that I make them feel bad for them not doing more. I just am who I am. I follow my intuition no matter how wild it may seem to some, I try to stay out of my comfort zone, this is how I grow the most. I work hard and take risks. But I have to say; when I take the bus it is a risk because I still don’t understand the nuances of public transportation!
*there was a beaver in the river (which is brown and ugly and filled with garbage) this morning. I've seen him a couple times now. I think it's a beaver anyways. I'll post pictures later tonight. He is the only 'wild animal' I've ever seen in the city, other than a few hawks and that one giant rat on New Years Eve 2006. Today I can't stop thinking about the young girl that was attacked by a grizzly yesterday in Anchorage. Every Alaskan worst nightmare. But Alaska is still the most amazing place in the world, even the guy at the bike store yesterday told me so.
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In the end its worth the little steps. --gramma